Overview: In the annals of cheesy time travel movies, few are known better than Timecop, which cleared over 100 million in world wide box office gross. Starring martial arts star, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Timecop has decent but low-budget FX, a fairly shallow notion of science and time quandaries, but does provide a face-paced cyberpunk action-thriller with decent amounts of butt-kicking and gun fighting. Like many of his movies, Van Damme plays more than one version of himself – in this case, he plays himself 10 years into the future.

The Story: In the near future (2004), time travel has now become possible. Unfortunately, there is a very real danger that going back in time will alter the present. To protect against potential abuse, a special police outfit called the “Time Enforcement Commission” is established to monitor and enforce time travel concerns. Max Walker (Van Damme) is selected for an interview to join. Unfortunately, events in the future have already changed his current circumstances, which lead to the death of his wife, Melissa (Mia Sara).

Ten years into the future, Max, still working at the Time Enforcement Commission, goes back in time to stop his former partner from attempting to splurge on low-price stocks in 1929 that will be worth a fortune in the future. In stopping his partner, Max uncovers a larger plot of time travel tampering that implicates a sitting Senator of the United States (Ron Silver). As Max starts to investigate, the bad guys begin significant tampering with the timeline. Upon return from one of Max’s fact finding trips, he sees that the future has been significantly altered, and the police force is being decommissioned.

Max convinces his former friend (the time altering apparently has affected their friendship) and police Commander, Eugene (Bruce McGill), to send him back in time to fix the damage done to the timeline. In doing so, Max has an opportunity to go back and save his wife. Things come to a head when Max and the Senator meet face to face (both current and future versions of each).

The Action: The reason you want to watch Timecop is primarily for the fast-paced action sequences. We get lots of Van Damme kicking, along with a nice smattering of gunfights, all in interesting locations. As a downside, only one or two of the bad guys put up a decent fight. So many of the action scenes involve Van Damme just wailing on “red shirt” henchmen.

The FX: The FX for Time Cop worked at the time, but now look somewhat dated. There are quite a number of time portal effects, along with a few burning and “people plasma” shots sprinkled throughout. The set designs are pretty decent, most notably the time portal device, which has a nice dirty, low-tech feel to it. Still, I wish they had done more with the time travel machine, which looks and works like a rocket version of Back to the Future’s flux capacitor.

The Acting: Considering this is a Van Damme movie, the acting is somewhat better than expected. Van Damme is his same self, which is to say “rather wooden.” But Mia Sara, Ron Silver and Bruce McGill turn in decent performances – certainly decent enough to work with the fast pacing.

Problems with Time: Timecop really can’t be used to spark interesting discussions on time travel. The questions with how and why things work are too numerous and problematic to engage in interesting discussions. Somehow, they are able to determine if someone has violated time, and can go and stop them, but they don’t seem to be able to go to the same place more than once – why? The same two people cannot occupy the same space – why? What happens if a guy is 80 years older and goes back an visits himself as a small child? Virtually none of the same cells will remain from the child – certainly no skin cells (nor would they for 10 years out, as was the case for the poor Senator) – so how does this constitute occupying the same space? When Max Walker spends the day jumping through time, the future is modified – and he seems to have lost 10 years worth of memories. What happened to the version of Max that lived those 10 years? Did he disappear, or has he simply not gotten home from work yet? One gets the sense that Max is just jumping alternate versions of the present – each one that he created – but the ideas are too shallow to make any real sense of this.

Bad Guys Have Limited Imagination: Like many bad guys, the imagination of the evil doers in Timecop is severely limited. Time travel is used to go back and engage in bank heists, make stock purchases that pay out 70 years in the future, and so forth. If one really had this technology cornered, it seems that there would be far better ways to generate income. With just an ounce of imagination, one could come up with a myriad of more interesting ways of generating power and influence than petty crime. What about a recorded interview with Jesus Christ? One would think this might generate lots more power and income than knocking off a confederate wagon train shipping small quantities of gold. Instead, the extent of Senator McComb’s ambition is to get rich, kill off potential enemies and then steal the presidential election.

The Bottom Line: Timecop is an enjoyable movie assuming you turn your brain off prior to watching. This approach generally works as the fast-paced nature of the movie serves to stop you from noticing too many issues. The action is good and the FX are passable, so if you want to kick back and enjoy some Hollywood martial arts wrapped up in a cyberpunk time travel flick, give it a go. I will say though that the quality of the DVD is horrid - so much so that I’m docking a star from my review. It’s got a lousy transfer, no extras, and is in full screen only. Common Universal – fix this!

Overview: In yet another of the Alien/Terminator copycat movies, Death Machine is a low-budget, poorly thought out shlock-fest that tries to dazzle you with a largely incoherent in-depth plot and over-the-top acting. While another virtually unknown British Director, Richard Stanley, scored big in a similar but far more original copy-cat movie, Hardware, Stephen Norrington’s Death Match just doesn’t cut it. These types of movies live or die on the overall atmosphere and the quality of the fear the creature engenders. While Hardware excelled on both counts, Death Machine falls woefully short. Worse, Death Machine makes a lame attempt at humour by naming all the bit players with the names from the movies Norrington stole plot bits and visuals from (John Carpenter, Scott Ridley, Weyland, and Yutani)

The Story: In the near-future, the evil Chaank Armaments corporation has engaged in a number of shady, classified project that have resulted in dissapearances and potential deaths. Public outcry has gotten out of hand, so for damage control, they bring in an upstanding principled new chief executive named Hayden Cole (Ely Pouget), a hot chick with a porn past to inspire trust and confidence amongst the masses. As she delves into things, it’s clear that the board of directors wants nothing to do with providing full disclosure. Why? Because there is an evil genius mad scientist in the basement named Jack (Brad Dourif), who has the dirt on everyone, and is hard at work at making a death machine to keep everyone in line. Additionally, Jack has created a process for transforming humans into killer-cyborgs. Unfortunately, this process is flawed, and all the cyborgs end up dying.

Eventually, the hawt chief executive challenges Jack, and all hell breaks loose. She and a few others become trapped in the building with some would-be amateur freedom fighter cyberpunk types who have invaded the corporation in the hopes of destroying it. Now they are all just trying to escape the robot known as the War Beast. Hayden and Sam Raimi (John Sharian), the leader of the amateur terrorists, spend the rest of the movie trying to evade and eventually kill the War Beast. I could go into more of the plot, but truly, its just not worth it.

The Robot Monster: OK, so we have this really tough robot thing – virtually indestructible. Anyone wanna tell me why this robot has like a hundred rubber tubs hanging out, and nobody who fights it in hand-to-hand combat thinks of grabbing them? More to the point, why don’t the thousands of rounds of bullets affect the tubes? Bottom line, this robot was more silly than scary. In Hardware, the robot was continually shown moving quickly in low-light situations. This allowed Stanley to get away with a low-tech, but very believable robot. Unfortunately, Death Machine doesn’t take this approach – it shows the robot in detail to make sure you see its faults. Color me not impressed.

Death Machine’s Approach to Cyborgs: In Death Machine, the Chaank Armaments Corporation creates cyborgs by wiping someone’s memory and uploading it with detailed weapon systems training, and simple goals (e.g., protect me, seek out and kill “guy X”). In short, its approach to cyborgs assumes the human mind is synonymous with a hard disk. They even have an instance where a key character’s personality “backed-up” and then wiped from his mind to allow the “warrior personality” to be installed, and then later, they reload the initial personality. Puleeze, Norrington! I’m sure you coulda come up with a marginally believable cyborg warrior rationale. Too bad you didn’t take the time to think of one.

The Bottom Line: Truly, to even have a chance of being watchable, Death Machine would have needed to incorporate a heavy dose of T&A. While Ely Pouget has the looks, this never materializes. This is all the more annoying in that the inclusion of the porn reference flat out portends juicy T&A. Instead, we’re left with a shlock “B” movie, absent of T&A, without the effects, acting, plot or monster to carry the day. Brad Dourif’s character, while mildly amusing is just too over-the-top to stomach, and nobody else other than Pouget even stands out. Even worse, they screw up what should have been a very simple ending (this may be the only original part of the movie - in retrospect, Norrington should have copied this as well), leaving us with a almost complete let down, and no payoff for sticking around for 2 hours. In short, I don’t see much to recommend here.

Overview: While Alien 1 and 2 were both stellar movies, the later two sequels definite suffer in comparison. Still, Alien Resurrection provides a significantly different Ripley than is encountered in the first three movies. Ripley is a clone, and an altered one at that. In fact she’s a merging of both the alien and human. With a significantly different approach to visuals and storytelling, Alien Resurrection may not equal the quality of the first two, but certainly can be considered original, which is sometimes a feat in itself for a sequel. The cyberpunk elements, while present, are still sedated, similar to the first Alien (I don’t really consider Alien 2 or 3 to have enough to consider them cyberpunk).

The Story: Two hundred years after her death, Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) has been cloned for the purpose of giving birth to the Alien Queen inside of her at the end of Alien 3. It’s not the corporation this time, instead it’s the good ‘ole government. While it’s never really fully explained how the melding of the two came about, you basically have to “roll” with it if you want to enjoy the movie. In any event, Ripley somehow survives the birth of the Alien, and is kept alive for “study” purposes.

Meanwhile, the Alien Queen that Ripley births requires hosts for her eggs. Enter a group of mercenaries led by Elgyn (Michael Wincott). His group also includes Winona Ryder, Dominique Pinon, Ron Perlman, Gary Dourdan, and Kim Flowers. The mercenaries have captured a ship full of people in suspended animation, and have brought the victims to the military research ship for money and other goodies (including a few days sleep in a regular bed). Things go bad when fanatatical crazed head scientist, Dr. Jonathan Gediman (Brad Dourif) makes the mistake of leaving three of the Alien births in the same cage. Two of the aliens kill the third, who’s acidic innards then create a hole in the floor, thus forming a jail break. From there, its on – aliens are in control and have a field day in eating up the poor humans who can’t escape on time. But unfortunately for the Queen, her DNA has been melded with Ripley’s and her second generation offspring has turned out differently than intended.

Ripley is Different in Resurrection: In Resurrection, we don’t get the tired, beaten down Ripley from the previous two movies who somehow manages to persevere and survive. Instead, Weaver takes to her genetic change with a gusto that mixes just the right mix of alien swagger, camp, and tender humanity. Most importantly, Weaver doesn’t take herself too seriously here. Ripley’s smirks more than anything else make the impossible set-up bearable. Its almost as if she’s saying, “Yeah, this is Frankenstein 4, but you knew the monster (me) needed to come back from the dead if there was to be a sequel, right? Just roll with it and we’ll be OK.” In short, Weaver almost single-handedly makes this sequel work. Ripley’s one liners (such as, “Who do I have to fuck to get off this ship?”) sometimes even come close to equaling those in Aliens. However, this approach can only go so far - if they ever plan on doing an Alien 5, they’re gonna need to revive Abbot and Costello!

The Rest of the Cast: While Weaver shines, the same cannot be said of the rest of the cast. Some of the member are really hit or miss, while others fail altogether. Winona Ryder’s role was a bit too much for her to pull off. First she had to be a believable mechanic (Kaylee, she’s not!), and then had to be an undercover resistance member and finally had to work as a {SPOILER – highlight to read} second generation android. I don’t know who could have worked all three of these aspects into a coherent whole, but Ryder was not able to pull it off. Although, Ryder does shine in some of the scenes – especially those that are similar to Ripley’s role in the first movie where the Ryder is struggling to maintain sanity when everything is stacked against them. For other examples, Brad Dourif as the crazed scientist is too over the top, and Dan Hadaya as the military commander comes off as a complete imbecile. Two notable standouts are mercenaries Ron Perlman and David St. James – both turn in very solid and interesting performances.

The DNA Mixing: OK, the DNA mixing explanation is just too hokey to work. Joss Whedon deserves some credit for at least not running away from this impossible task – instead he makes it a centerpiece to the story (but it still doesn’t’ work – then again, I don’t think anything would). Basically they needed a way of both recreating Ripley will still keeping her memories intact. Their work-around is to state that Ripley’s and the Alien’s DNAs melded together (I suppose this happened in the lava? Good thing they were able to retrieve it, ey?). OK, fine, but I have a few questions: Aliens are uniquely different from humans but their DNA is so close that its not distinguishable form one another? Or assuming the DNA was melded, how exactly did they know what they were looking at? More to the point, how did they figure out (even with lots of trial and error) to make two completely separate organisms out of the DNA? But even taking the ocean of salt needed to buy that explanation, how is it that an alien organism who grows by eating the material in the lungs is able to read Ripley’s memories and retain them? Again, while this clearly is problematic, you really just have to roll with it if you want to enjoy Resurrection.

Genetic Manipulation Scare: Probably the scariest aspect of Alien Resurrection is the notion that in the semi-near future, genetics will be advanced enough and so well understood that even your basic crackpot scientists with the right equipment can play Josef Mengele in experimenting with mixing lifeforms to their hearts content. One can imagine a number of variations to this, but the jist of the concern is that its not too far a stretch to imagine that in the near future, less savory governments or corporations may be lured to do various genetic trials of this kind in the pursuit of fame and profit. This concept in Resurrection is as cyberpunk as one can get.

The Android: Unfortunately the back story is glossed over, but in Alien Resurrection, the androids have somehow developed a second generation android, one who is not beholden to human command. Not surprisingly humanity targeted them for termination, which caused the remaining second generation androids to burn out their communications devices and go into hiding. In Alien Resurrection, it’s the android who holds the tenets of humanity most dear. The android is more concerned with the fate of mankind than all the shallow and flawed humans in this movie. The android is even religious. One wishes this aspect of the androids was explored. If they truly feel that they indeed have a purpose for existence, how is this rationalized, and how have they changed the concept of a human deity to accommodate their self-worth?

The Visuals: Director Jeunet and visual effects supervisor Pitof deserve credit for creating some wonderful visuals in Alien Resurrection. Resurrection contintually treats us to some wonderfully composed shots – shots that far exceed the qualities of the acting. Even if the plot and acting turn you off, the cinematography, wonderful set pieces, models and creature FX will help keep Alien Resurrection bearable. Like many cyberpunk films, a single color dominates the film – yellow in this case. Yes there are some blacks, but yellow seems to permeate all the key scenes.

The Bottom Line: Yes, Alien Resurrection has an extremely problematic story within a flawed movie, but it ends up being more fun than it probably deserves. Even though the rest of the cast doesn’t always support her, Sigourney Weaver turns in a terrific performance. This, along with the originality, the wonderful cinematography and FX make Alien Resurrections a step up from Alien 3, and worthy enough to watch. While the cyberpunk elements are subdued, the android along with the genetics and dystopic civilization (destroyed by human wastes and technology) are enough to include it in this site. Alien Resurrection won’t flip your world like the first two did, but its still worth a watch.

Overview: Full Metal Yakuza is simultaneously a campy low-budget Robocop Rip-off done with gangsters and an exercise in a mild form of extreme Japanese cinema. Director Takeshi Mike (best known for Ichi the Killer, but also did Andoromedia) does his trademark extreme blood spatters, and includes lots of head chopping, gun fighting, and a torture-rape-suicide scene thrown in for good measure. You won’t get any big picture thoughts out of this flick, but you might want to tune in for the crazy action and visuals.

The Story: Kensuke Hagane (Tsuyoshi Ujiki) is a slacker junior gangster who doesn’t show a lot of potential. In his mind, he wants to be a Yakuza – a tough guy with a code that’s feared by all. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t have what it takes. He sucks at fighting, enforcement, and worse – he even sucks at love making. He idolizes the older Tousa, a gangster tough guy extraordinaire that has a detailed dragon tattooed on his back. After Tousa gets taken prisoner for 7 years, Hagane perseveres to become an enforcer. Unfortunately, when released, the Yakuza gang betrays Tousa and shoots him down – Kensuke gets killed in the crossfire.

Then the weirdness begins – Hagane wakes up in a strange lab, and finds out that his head has been removed from his body and is now attached to a cyborg body, partially made up with Tousa’s remains. He has Tousa’s heart, hands, feet, tattooed back, and most importantly, his very large “member.” An insane genius scientist ((TETSUO’s Tomorowo Taguchi), for reasons never explained, has brought him back to life, but before Hagane agrees to work with the scientist, he must take revenge on those who killed him and Tousa.

Hagane goes all out, killing his way to the top, but eventually stops due to the pleading of his former friend. Along the way, he also finds Tousa’s mistress (Shoko Nakahara), and falls in love with her. Things go horribly wrong when she is taken prisoner. Hagane now has to finish what he started.

Yes, He’s a Cyborg, But…: Nothing in this movie should be taken too seriously, especially the cyborg aspects of this. Kensuke eats bullets and other assorted metals for energy, but apparently doesn’t even need to grind his teeth to chew them. His body is fully metal, but apparently he’s had an extra large dick grafted on as well. He does weird chants in order to temporarily turn off his emotions (apparently, this trips a jump switch of some kind). I could go on, but nothing in this depiction of cyborgs is intended to be anything other than the creation of a setting.

The Visuals: Full Metal Yakuza gives us a number of trademark Takeshi Mike shots, including massive screaming, gratuitous blood spurts shooting in all directions, torture and rape, and a variety of surreal action scenes. From a cyberpunk standpoint, the interesting visuals take place when Hagane is first transformed into a cyborg. In many ways, they resemble a lighter version of Android from Notre Dame’s visuals.

The Bottom Line: Full Metal Yakuza is interesting in that it was apparently made for a very low budget. There is enough here in terms of strange, extreme cyberpunk visuals that many might really enjoy this flick. Just don’t be expecting too much from the story. There are whole sets of scenes that go absolutely no where (the female cyborg chick, for instance), and many more that strain the bounds of coherence. But if you’re interested in watching a campy, extreme Japanese, non-sensical cyberpunk flick, you might want to give Full Metal Yakuza a try.

Overview: The first Robocop movie was an absolutely terrific, innovative flick. Robocop 2 really sucked, but not as bad as Robocop 3. All pretense of putting together a decent movie goes away in Robocop 3. Peter Weller, who plays Robocop in the first two movies wisely skipped this piece of shit. The only remaining cast members from the first are the Police Captain, Officer Lewis (Nancy Allen), the stooge corporate dude, Johnson (Felton Perry). Of these, only Officer Lewis had any chance of carrying a decent amount of heft for the show, but she is prematurely bumped off without reason, and the other two are pretty much just caricatures of themselves. In short, Robocop 3 is a pure, low-budget trashy sellout made for 8-14 year-olds who were familiar with the G-rated series - the plot goes for the young genius hacker kid and ninja bad guy vice attempting to work up a real plot.

The Story: Like Robocop 2, OCP is still trying to create a massively expensive city in a place that only has the destitute poor. God knows why, as nobody will be able to afford ANYTHING created, but we’re just supposed to go with it. In this episode, we have the nasty Japanese buying up OCP and hiring a cheesy security firm to simply gather up all the poor people and ship them out to concentration camps. But Robocop doesn’t like this, and decides he no longer feels like obeying his prime directive that stops him from challenging OCP employees. Instead, he joins a ragtag resistance comprised of local yokels, the genius kid, and of course his sympathetic OCP scientist care taker. But wait! There’s more! The evil Japanese have sent a cyborg ninja to kill Robocop. Ohhhhhhh – you can just cut the tension with a plastic spoon!

The Bottom Line: Honestly, I have a hard time seeing how Frank Miller is in any way responsible for the screenplay for this piece of trash. It’s pretty sad to see the Robocop movies end in such a trashy way. Yes, there is another kiddie miniseries that follows this, but truly, Robocop should have stopped after the first. This franchise is the poster child for Hollywood fuckups. In thinking about it, they could have done quite a lot with the Robocop universe, and potentially even could have done interesting things with the original Robocop character. Instead, they choose the cheesy derivative path. This led to both less money and the painful death of the cash cow.