Veronica 2030 - {NOT Cyberpunk}

Overview: Every now and then, soft core porn “as cyberpunk” provides a hilarious gem like Terminatrix. Then you find things like this. Yes, the cover looks cyberpunk-like, but no, none of that here. Just to be clear, if you wonder why I even bother reviewing shit like this, I made this site with the idea that ALL cyberpunk movies (or those that claim to be) will be reviewed (except hard core porn). Even pieces of crap like these ones (when the writer is credited with a “teleplay” you KNOW you should be worried!).

Their entire cyberpunk budget consisted of a blinking red Christmas tree rope light thing sitting on a table that you can buy for $7.49 at your local drug store. Well, that’s not completely true - there was also a piece of aluminum foil they used to wrap the chick’s midsection with. And anyways, I’m guessing that this was filmed right after Christmas, and someone brought the Christmas light from home.

So you wanna know the plot? Here it is: Some time way into the future (I’m gonna guess the year 2030), when sexual cravings have all diminished, in a feverish attempt to save the planet’s libido, a group of three scientists (two guys, one girl) develop a perfect and semi-hawt android (well, they seem to think she’s dynamite!). So while the other two scientists go to bed, the last one ends up accidentally waking up the android chick, has sex with her, and then, by accidentally typing something into the keyboard, accidentally sends her back in time! Even though they hadn’t invented a time machine! Cool, ey! Upon being sent back into the slipstream of time (our time of course) the hawt android chick surprisingly ends up in a down-and-out fetish lingerie studio in need of a hot model to compete with the mean lingerie studio down the street! She decides this is the perfect place to learn about love. From there, lots of cheesy soft core porn sex ensues, along with an occasional fetish lingerie show. No more plot talk needed.

So why a completely convoluted plot? So they could immediately leave the futuristic setting (consisting of the Christmas light on a table, the aluminum foil covering, and oh, a hot chick scientist with glasses in a white lab coat) to go for cheaper surroundings of course! Like the director’s living room! OK, well, maybe its not that bad, but we’re not talking high class here. Suffice to say, the only other thing you need to know about the plot is that

The Bottom Line: If you’re looking for your every day bouncing bimbo blondes with surgically enhanced breasts having soft-core porn sex while wearing fetish fishnet stockings and black PVC lingerie, this is your movie. The T&A rating is high, with your regular standard Skinemax standards in play. Now, as a movie this only really merits one star (if that), but I gave it an additional one because there were a few really nice fetish lingerie dancing scenes. But, um, no cyberpunk here (I think I need to add “non-existent” to my cyberpunk visuals rating). This is false advertising at its worst. Time travel and andriods? Yeah, right.