Rating: 2 out of 10

Overview: So you’re really into big breasted chicks getting gored by robots, ey? If this is the variety of fetish porn you’ve been hankerin for, then Exterminator City is probably an automatic buy decision. One word of caution - you aren’t really getting robots, you’re getting a cheaper version of the old Muppet’s skit, Pigs in Space-style robot puppets. Basically you get shiny plastic robot heads (are these supposed to be metal?) with movable jaws, mounted on dressed clothing racks. A real person wearing gloves is shemping the hand movements, while the lower jaw goes up and down to mimic talking (robots MUST have working jaws, right - I mean who would believe that robots would have speakers embedded in them!). Outside of this small, select market segment of geeks lusting after robot puppets bloodily whacking big breasted chicks off-camera, Exterminator City will probably get a hearty “WTF” from everyone else.

The Story: In the near future (2027), the population is solely comprised of deranged robot puppets and big-breasted chicks who can’t stop rubbing themselves. Worse, these chicks don’t seem to be able to keep clothes on. Robot puppets handle all the work in society, while the bare-breasted chicks hang around their apartments waiting to get randomly gored in some bloody, off-camera moment. While this doesn’t seem like all that successful a society on the face of it, we can only wonder what happened in the previous 20 years that led to this!

Enter our star - the deranged robot exterminator puppet. For his day job, he’s supposed to be killing the large rubber cockroaches that keep frequenting the bare-breasted chicks’ apartments, but due to a eeeevil after-market robot parts salesman, now he looks at these chicks as bad girls who need his special services. But this is no ordinary deranged robot exterminator puppet. He’s also a master hacker and top micro-electronics expert - he can create his own robot bugs that break into bare-breasted chick apartments! Better yet, he can instantaneously rip out a wall in the exact size of his human-sized robot puppet body, but can also shrink small enough to sneak through the small air ducts that permeate every big-breasted chick abode.

Exterminator City Dialogue Moment:
Police Detective Robot Puppet: “I knew this girl.”
Mad Psychologist Robot Puppet: “You did?”
Police Detective Robot Puppet: “I put her away on three counts of drug violations.”
Mad Psychologist Robot Puppet: “I’d say she’s cured.”

Meanwhile, a bumbling police detective robot puppet is on the case. He may seem useless but he’s sure he’ll catch the bad guy. What’s his strategy for success? He hangs out with a mad psychologist robot puppet (who used to have the pest control robot puppet as a patient) and discusses each gruesome murder after it takes place. Usually they like to mount the most recent dead, bloody and now skinned big-breasted chick on a poll between them (see above) so they can discuss the specifics of her death.

The Pacing: The pacing in Exterminator City mimics standard porno movie. There is a brief, incoherent beginning scene, followed by a series of action shots that are broken up by brief, incoherent interludes. In this case, robot/bare big-breasted chick slasher porn comprises the action shots. The ending resolution ending scene bookends the front in that its also an incoherent moment that nobody cares about. Between each slasher porn sequence, he interlude shots in Exterminator City always start off with a fast light-car zipping past the cardboard building above followed by an inane puppet dialogue moment. Most often, the dialogue moment involves ridiculous conversations (or sword fights) between the detective robot puppet and the mad psychologist robot puppet, but sometimes we get a “hell” fantasy from the mind of our anti-hero pest control robot puppet. I’m guessing Cohen was trying for a “Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast” type feel for the interludes, but this is just a guess (he failed).

Where Did the Big Breasted Chick Footage Come From?: While I know nothing about the making of this movie, I’d bet money that director Clive Cohen has never met any of these chicks. Far more likely, I’m guessing that Clive contracted with some cheesy modeling agency that had pre-made clips of all their “actresses” in a horror-scream type setting. In NONE of the 20+ bare-breasted chick killing scenes do we get any sense that they have a clue what’s going on. Basically, each of them are in some kind of current-day house setting (working out, taking a shower, watching TV, etc.). After a few seconds of relaxation, they look toward the camera and start screaming. The scene then cuts to the deranged robot puppet axing, chopping, chainsawing or bludgeoning through fake skin of some kind. Julie Strain is the only one given more than 40 seconds screen time (she gets like 3-4 minutes). What’s truly funny about this approach is how bad these chicks really are - not only in acting, which is expected, but in screaming. Some are truly horrid.

Exterminator City Dialogue Moment:
Police Detective Robot Puppet: “He ain’t coming back here no more”
“What makes you so sure?”
Police Detective Robot Puppet:”He had a trace on our trace. He knew we were watching him.”
“So he won’t hack the system again?”
Police Detective Robot Puppet: “He don’t have to. He downloaded all files on route to the kill.”
“So no stopping him now?”
Police Detective Robot Puppet: “You must be sooo proud.”
“No detective. I am not.”
Police Detective Robot Puppet: “I’ll get him”
“How can you know that?”
Police Detective Robot Puppet: “That’s my job, bitch.”

The Bottom Line: Often when watching a truly horrid flick, you find yourself wondering, “What did this director really want to accomplish?” In this case, its pretty clear - Cohen wanted to make robot slasher porn. Unfortunately he didn’t have a budget, so he settled for robot puppet slasher porn that occurs off-screen. As bad as this “movie” is, I must say that a good number of the big-breasted chicks look really good. And I suppose there’s something to be said for having massive quantities of big breasted chicks to make up for the monstrosity that is this movie. I honestly doubt that anyone besides Cohen actually worked this thing.

But give Cohen some credit: like any good porn movie he knows to keep the better action shots near the beginning, as most will tire of the movie long before the ending comes. As we get to the last third of the movie, the women are either uglier, really awful screamers or won’t take off their clothes. For this organization philosophy, I’m giving Cohen an extra star in my rating (which brings my review to a grand total of 2 stars!). Unfortunately, this approach also means that near the end, we’re stuck with a higher dose horrid dialogue between the detective and psychologist, along with the occasional rubber hell monster. Bottom line, if you do have a hankerin for big bare-breasted robot puppet slasher porn and need to see this, don’t feel guilty in turning it off just after the halfway point.

erc1452 in the Meatspace Forums found this little tidbit from a blog named Binary Bonsai - turns out that the details about what is now called the Blade Runner Ultimate Collection DVD have leaked online. Best yet, the cover has a unicorn! As the poster Ak!mbo (the poster formally known as NekOtaku) commented, “There shall be flamewars, they shall be of epic proportions..”

Considering Harrison Ford states he never thought he was an replicant, one wonders what additional scenes Scott might insert to end this discussion in his favor. Still, the details look pretty sweet, if this is to be believed:

Disc 1 - The Final Cut (2007):

• Ridley Scott’s definitive new version of his science-fiction masterpiece includes added & extended scenes, added lines and new and cleaner special effects.

Disc 2 - 3 Complete Film Versions:

• ‘82 U.S. Theatrical version
• ‘82 International Theatrical version
• ‘92 Director’s Cut

Disc 3 - “Dangerous Days: Making Blade Runner” Documentary

• Newly created documentary: Through interviews with the cast and crew, critics and colleagues, this feature-length documentary provides a mainstream-friendly yet meaningful in-depth look at Blade Runner’s literary genesis, its challenging production and controversial legacy. When all is said and done, this will be the definitive documentary on the film.

Disc 4 – Enhanced Content Bonus: (TBC)

• INCEPTION - Featurettes and galleries devoted to Philip K. Dick, the birth of Cyberpunk and adapting the novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.
• PRE-PRODUCTION - Featurettes and galleries devoted to script development, conceptual design and abandoned sequences.
• PRODUCTION - Featurettes and galleries devoted to principal photography and locations.
• POST-PRODUCTION - Featurettes and galleries devoted to deleted scenes, music and visual effects.
• RELEASE - Featurettes and galleries devoted to marketing and reaction including Trailers, TV Spots and Promotional Featurettes
• LEGACY - Featurettes and galleries devoted to the film’s resurrection and impact.

Disc 5 - Work Print Version & Enhanced Content:

• Including the rarely seen Work Print version and potentially the 52 min. Channel Four (UK) documentary which was the first serious documentary created for the film.

Additionally, the set will come packaged in a limited “Blade Runner” briefcase holding the five-disc digipack with foil-enhanced and embossed slipcase. The goodies inside will include a lenticular motion image from the original feature, a collectible model spinner, an origami unicorn, a collection of photographs and a letter from Ridley Scott.

Personally, I might be almost as excited about the featurettes as I am the latest version (well, OK, maybe not “that” excited). While the international ‘82 version is something I’ve never seen, the “Birth of Cyberpunk” looks pretty cool; and while they don’t specifically list it, I’m betting money there’s one on “Is Deckhard a replicant?” And while these may be juicy, the ones I’m going to be most interested in are those dealing with the cinematography and set designs. It’s this more than anything else that has influenced just about 80% of every cyberpunk movie since then. As powerful as Roy Batty’s speech was, it’s the look and feel of Blade Runner that has truly changed cinema.

As part of my recent deep dip into reality lately (meaning I haven’t been able to devote as much time making updates these past few weeks), I missed a nice little honorarium that CPR received. Ayato from the Meatspace forums noticed that Scifi.com listed CPR as Site of the Week on May 30th. Many special thanks to Ayato for finding this, and many more to Ken Newquist for selecting CPR (and many more thanks for the nice comments about the Matrix Essay - I still have a few more to upload)! Incidentally, even with the access issues and my lack of updates, CPR is still averaging 100,000 unique visitors a month now (around 170,000 total visits per month) accessing around 500,000 page views. Last year at this time CPR was averaging just over 5000 unique visitors a month making 50,000 page views, so I’d say growth has been pretty decent.

Now Ken, show us your clout - see if you can get us another season of the Dresden Files! (no, its not cyberpunk, but the Dresden Files, along with BSG are one of the best shows on TV).

Here’s another most awesome looking trailer for Pearry Reginald Teo’s Gene Generation that Kovacs uncovered. With Combichrist doing the music, and the awesomely hawt Bai Ling starring, this has been on my radar screen for quite some time. Unfortunately, the opening date has continually been delayed. I’m hoping we get word from Pearry soon about a release date. Rest assured I’ll be there on opening day with a review up later that evening.

My sincere apologies on the downtime. My ISP sucks. Apparently, this simple wordpress site taps out there entire server, so they took me offline. I’m in the process of transferring ISPs. Hopefully I can get this done in the next day or so. I hear Dreamhost actually is familiar with Wordpress-enabled sites, so I’ll be trying there.

~SFAM